Showing Him The World
by drumer girl
Summary: he had Lily to remind him who he was when all else was lost. In their relationship, it was Lily who showed the world to him. not the other way around. angsty and sad.


Remus smiled sadly as he watched his two best friends through his window. James held lily in his arms, swinging her around, kissing her. They both looked gloriously happy. This meant she had said yes to his proposal.

It was the last day before they left Hogwarts for good. Their graduation ceremony and ball had been the night before, so now was the time to talk with friends, to relive all their memories. But Remus wasn't joining the chatting that was going on in the common room, or the snowball fight that took place outside. He was too busy packing. For what; he didn't know. He had no place to go after this anyway.

His parents had passed away about 4 months ago. No one had offered him a job. He had little money, and no home to go home to. Voldemort had destroyed what little his family had possessed. James had offered him housing, but he couldn't take it. Not after all he had done for him already. And besides, he would probably go half mad watching them together. Getting ready for their now upcoming wedding.

Remus was happy for them; he really was. They were made for each other. In every single aspect of every part of their being. James countered Lily beautifully. He knew that it would never have worked for him and lily. They were just too alike. They would have gotten sick of each other. But he still wished that that could have been _him_ down there, in the spring smelling air, kissing her.

James had been planning on proposing for at least a month. He had gone over it so many times that Remus knew the speech better then James did. They had all helped him decide on how to do it. But Remus had been the one to suggest a quiet proposal; one under the stars and next to her favorite tree. The one he knew would be blossoming this time of year. It would be perfect, and he knew that she would love it. If he couldn't have her himself, why shouldn't he at least help James make her happy? However little it was, he would still take it.

Remus had never meant for himself such a bittersweet destiny. Why couldn't he have fallen for a ravenclaw? A quiet, studious girl. Someone he could show the world to. But no. he had chosen the one girl who could ever have understood him. He had his marauders for backup; but he had Lily to remind him who he was when all else was lost. In their relationship, it was Lily who showed the world to _him_. No one could make him smile like she could. (Other than Padfoot, but that's irrelevant.) She knew about his lycanthropy, about his hidden self consciousness. She knew exactly when he should head for the hospital wing, but never worried for him a second before. She treated him like he was just as strong as the other two boys were, though his condition kept him from reaching his full potential. While others saw him through their eyes; Lily viewed him through her heart.

He turned his gaze from the window and put his last shirt into his trunk. There was nothing to do about it now. He was sure he couldn't have acted way back when anyway. He never could have hurt James like that. Not before, and not now. Besides; it would just ruin what he had with Lily already. Who would she come to when James and she had their first fight? Who would walk her down the isle? She had secretly asked him to give her away, when she had started to suspect what James was up to. He would stand his ground, shed not a single tear, and do the duty of a best friend. Like he needed to. No matter how it tore him up inside.

Things would get better. He knew. He would buy a flat in London, maybe work at the leaky cauldron. (Where he knew Tom would hire even a banshee.) Everything would work out in the end.

Or at least that's what he said to people.

He knew things would never get better. Ever. But he had accepted his fate long before his 7th year. Long before he had had James and Sirius to be with him. Long before he had fallen in love with Lily.

So he closed the lid to his trunk, and left his dorm. He was done brooding. What good had it ever done him? He would go downstairs, congratulate the happy couple, and put on smile. No matter how much he would rather cry his eyes out.


End file.
